You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
