He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are we still banned from the library?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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