my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
