yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
