would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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