My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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