What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
