The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
