I wish I only lived at night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
