I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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