the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
