just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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