You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
