I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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