Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
