Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
