quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
