Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
