Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't turn off my feet"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
