Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize