look no pants
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
