Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
