I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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