I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
