omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
