it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
