then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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