someone get that fucking seahorse.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
