I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
