OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
