how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
