Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
