Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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