I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
