I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
