Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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