my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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