Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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