I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
