You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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