i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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