i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's like iHOP with fire
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
