alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
