Already got asked if we're dating
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
