Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
