Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
