i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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