He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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