Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
