I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
