This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
