just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
