did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize