worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
