woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize