I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
