New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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