I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
