No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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