you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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