so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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