miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
