it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
