I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
