ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
