i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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