I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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