I love having hate sex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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