Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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