My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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